dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
