My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
