Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
