Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
