did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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