Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
