You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
