I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
