am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
