Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
