So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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