Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize