you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
