this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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