Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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