Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
