Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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