who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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