i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
