just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
