The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
only you would photoshop your dick
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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