i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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