There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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