I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Actions speak louder than pants.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
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you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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