You smell like stripper and shame
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
