I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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