So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My pussy is not your playground.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.