i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's blow job season.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.