...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
