No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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