i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.