I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
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On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
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Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.