This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
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I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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