Texts From Last Night

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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.

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  (814): Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn. http://tfl.nu/vfme
  Replies (18) Good night (741) Bad night (3715)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  It smells like weed.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.

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  (303): It smells like weed. (720): We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed. http://tfl.nu/w4bb
  Replies (41) Good night (4022) Bad night (691)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.

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  (949): It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time. http://tfl.nu/w76y
  Replies (51) Good night (1725) Bad night (5031)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.

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  (314): I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle. http://tfl.nu/i8jn
  Replies (35) Good night (4818) Bad night (968)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass

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  (760): I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass http://tfl.nu/6hj6
  Replies (29) Good night (6033) Bad night (1302)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.

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  (352): Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover. http://tfl.nu/82ke
  Replies (19) Good night (1659) Bad night (4872)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card

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  (732): on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card http://tfl.nu/pv0m
  Replies (8) Good night (4368) Bad night (930)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.

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  (203): I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me. http://tfl.nu/grro
  Replies (11) Good night (5583) Bad night (1064)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.

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  (865): we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss. http://tfl.nu/qrai
  Replies (6) Good night (2059) Bad night (947)
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.

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  (325): I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible. http://tfl.nu/vgf8
  Replies (2) Good night (713) Bad night (1328)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...

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  (615): I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own... http://tfl.nu/6vth
  Replies (2) Good night (684) Bad night (434)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.

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  (602): I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared. http://tfl.nu/46e7
  Replies (4) Good night (515) Bad night (784)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants

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  (732): It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants http://tfl.nu/e1c1
  Replies (1) Good night (315) Bad night (397)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?

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  (920): sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew? http://tfl.nu/nuxb
  Replies (4) Good night (461) Bad night (213)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?

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  (336): Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid? http://tfl.nu/9dj6
  Replies (3) Good night (486) Bad night (250)

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