Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.