i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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