I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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