i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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