if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
