I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
