4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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