I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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