TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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