# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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