I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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