just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
