Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
