i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I need to calm my uterus...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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