i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
