i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
