ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
