im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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