This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you inspire me to be a worse person
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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