I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
