yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
