Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
