I think I died a long time ago.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
