you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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