i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
