sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
