His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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