Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
