I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
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He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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