I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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