Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
