"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
