He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
