There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize