Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
