So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
