if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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