the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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