yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
