well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I am one with the molecules
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
