rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
