i already hear my dad disowning me
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
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