he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
