I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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