tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
