Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
