I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
