its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize