I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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