Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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